We go through many phases in our lives and we desperately try to make sense of them. Things seem weird, overwhelming, and distracting. Loves come and go, wilds come and go. people come and go. We grow, we shrink, and we balance ourselves over and over again. We try our best knowing more now than we did before.
This coming weekend is a time to take stock of many of those things and check in on the direction we are heading on our journeys. Check in with yourself and see what you have to say.
I’ve been swimming more and more. The peace of being in the water really gives me time to take accounting of everything going on and silence my inner voice for a small time. It gives me time to dream while awake and just relax. I’m grateful for my time in the water and ever more and more realize how badly needed it is. Throw in an hour in the sauna and an hour of yoga and you have my perfect night.
Well, my perfect night when I get to then come home to snuggle my best girl.
She is always increasingly proving how smart she is and how wonderfully wild her strong spirit is. She loves fiercely and without question. She is the biggest fan of both making messes and snuggling I could ever dream of. She is pure love. I am grateful for her light in my life.
In the wake of all this, I realize I am going through something complicated and growth inducing almost every day. It’s like glitter going off in your brain, but it’s also hard. It’s harder than anything because it’s ever pressing forward without respite or time off. The forward motion is painful, but impossible to stop and I know that it can’t stop- that growth is life. That pushing forward is the hardest and most important thing I will ever have to do in this world. It’s a journey you take when there are no other options and when there is something more important than yourself at stake here.
Do you feel that ever growing burden of something more important than yourself growing from you and yet like everything is wildly out of control at every particular moment? That only in the big picture is it under some semblance of a control as it vaguely conforms to a larger plan? I think that is what being a grown up means. No breaks, double shifts, endless love.
Love harder, be stronger, keep it going.
I’m sending love, my cascade of snoweflakes. Keep strong.