Patients

Im tired of my horoscope and daily readings saying have patience, plant seeds and trust the faith you have in all things. That these trials make you stronger.

Just once, I want them to say you’re going to be so happy today you can’t stand it and to remember god is there in the good times as well. That joy will be an efulgent quality of your life.

I just want to enjoy my life, enjoy my friends, and to love everything and love everyone. Im tired of being strong and learning hard lessons.

Im tired of making every day a trial to deal with this or move on from that.

I try to be kind beyond my measure, no I AM kind beyond my measure. I have people who know I would do anything for them. People who know I have their backs no matter what, but when it comes down to it, that doesn’t seem to matter.

How do you deal with constantly trusting the wrong people, giving them everything, and then knowing you have to move on. It’s painful, you don’t want to do it. You mourn someone who never existed and you mourn twice as hard the bystanders caught in the ceasefire that you never wanted to let go of to begin with.

I have Cassandra Syndrome. I always know when something will end terribly, but the getting there I never have patience for. My lesson in this life perhaps then is patience. It’s the hardest thing for me. Waiting. I can’t stand waiting.

I give all of me so often that I have nothing left when everything turns upside down.

Someone give me a blue pill, a magic wand, a new obsession.

I mean, there’s only so long you can lock yourself in your bedroom watching Doctor Who repeats with your cat.

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